In
the midst of my day to day madness I long for simpler
times, and days end am left with only my longing."
The
world knows James T. Phalen as a Harvard
educated, well-heeled baby-boomer banker/investor/lawyer,
one-time farmboy from rural Texas and one of the wealthiest
men in America. What the world doesn't know is that
James Phalen, the youngest of three Phalen children,
is fighting personal demons, as he struggles to come
to grips with stilted childhood memories. Jim finds
himself at a place where fame and fortune are not enough
and questions his whole being. What now?
Jim's
one painful regret is that he cannot
recall a single playful moment spent with his stern
and rigid father, who in most respects was a model parent.
He still remembers the lasting sting of disappointment
he felt as a child, whenever his father chose to do
'more important' things. He is surprised that even at
41, such memories still weigh so heavily upon him.
"Surely
by now, such things would have long ago faded into the
foggy domain of lesser things."
They had not.
As
a young boy, Jim Phalen ate, slept, and
dreamed baseball. He fondly recalls his very first Little
League game and his stunning heroics that won the game
for his beloved 'Rosedale Dodgers.' That lasting memory
was also laced with regret that his father hadn't been
there.
That
and other failures symbolized the absence of a deep
heart and soul connection so vital to fathers and sons.
It is an absence that cannot be filled completely. No
amount of wealth and fame can fill the emptiness. That's
what Jim feels now. The pain has been masked by success,
not erased.
Now,
his father is seriously ill and only
a shadow of the tall, proud man he once was. Jim comes
to realize that being a billionaire and having the material
world on a silver platter can't provide him memories
of experiences he never had. He finds himself longing
for the joys of a simpler life and wondering just who
James Theodore Phalen really is.
Jim
remembers the soft sweet voice and the
intoxicating fragrance of the high-school sweetheart
everyone thought he'd marry. He daydreams of sauntering
barefoot with his siblings down a quiet, secluded country
road, skipping stones on a crystal-blue lake in the
summer sun and enjoying the company of long-ago friends.
Jim wonders about these friends and whatever happened
to their lives over the years–years passed so quickly.
In his night dreams and daydreams, he still sees their
youthful faces and hears their distant voices.
Most
importantly, his mind is awash with thoughts
of the father he never really knew and understood. And
more and more he hears the reverberating footsteps of
time and knows that life is slipping away a day at a
time. He focuses on the new millennium with a degree
of foreboding and begins to audit his life. Jim is driven
to seek resolution. But is it too late?
One
thing is certain; his life has reached a moment of decision.
Then there is Alise, a brilliant woman, successful author,
the love of his life–a girlfriend whose caring
and support has been and continues to be so vital to
his life. How can he tell her that he is being drawn
by an irresistible force demanding he return to his
roots, that he confront his fears–his demons?
With
is father near death and
his mind swirling with stilted and unresolved memories
of him, Jim is forced to confront the truth about his
childhood and about how he views his father. At forty-one
years of age, he realizes that what matters most are
the memories or lack of memories. He lures us into his
life–his world where his billions and his successes
are not enough to guide him through the pain and conflict.
Jim
stands at a crossroads, facing a momentous decision
that could alter his life forever. Time is running out.
Has he arrives at the station just in time to catch
the last train home?
